School is finally finished for the semester. I do have a few more projects to complete before I can say that I'm officially finished, but I've sort of blocked those from my head for the present. There are so many things that need to be done right now (dishes to wash, presents to wrap, things to organize), but I guess they will get done some other time. Today I just sat around all day and watched TV. It felt good to be lazy, but at the same time it was kind of unproductive. One thing I definitely lack in my life is motivation. I think my problem has been that I haven't had enough to do. You know that phrase- "If you want something done, give it to a busy person." I don't think I keep myself busy enough. I only had three classes this semester, so I spent a lot of time procrastinating mostly because I had the time to spare. I feel like I need some sort of challenge in my life-- something that forces me to make good use of my time. Right now I don't have much, just my thesis. That's one project that I have like four months to complete. Sure it will probably be like 80 pages, but it won't take that much time.

After the thesis is done, I have to get a job again-- something I'm not exactly looking forward to. I keep thinking about how life was before I went back to graduate school, and I'm truly afraid that I'll go right back to that way of life once I graduate. In my experience, working a 9 to 5 job is not the ideal life. But maybe it was just the situation I was in before. I worked in an isolated office with few people to talk to, in a job where I had no creative input or respect.

More than that, though, I'm afraid of the life I'll have once I go home for the evening. Living alone is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that human beings are social creatures. I love Sprocket and he fills this huge void in my life, but he can't talk to me and he doesn't share my taste in movies. I need and crave human companionship. This isn't necessarily about having a boyfriend or getting married (although I'm not opposed to it)-- it's about friendship. Don't get me wrong. I do have friends, but so many of them have families and lives of their own, and it seems like I need them more than they need me. And I don't even want to think about what happens in May, when so many of my friends from graduate school pack up their things and move away. Anyway, I don't worry about this stuff too often, mainly just when I sit cooped up in the house alone all day doing nothing. Which is what I did today. Clearly I need to make better use of my time.