Has your luck run out? Do you wish you had tons of money? Do you want all of your wishes granted? Well, you've come to the right place my friends. I have the answer right here. And I had to look no further than my grandmother's old copy of the Farmer's Almanac for the year 2000.

There is a page full of ads offering anything you might imagine. You can buy a genie wishing lamp that grants up to seven wishes (Put to every test: 100% guaranteed or money back). The Love Me Only pocket piece seems like a steal at $10-- "This specially designed charm is said to keep your lover pure and true and have eyes for you only! Carry on body, pocket, or purse to keep your lover from running around and to make him or her stay home."

My eyes are on the Triple Strength Controlling Power Necklace, which allows you to control loved ones, friends, and enemies. You can't beat the price of $11.95. My favorite product is the Stop Evil! body wash. I think it speaks for itself: "Get relief, now! Make the devil run! Move that evil mess and make Satan "B" Gone! Destroy evil now, and conquer your enemies. Use as bath or wash-- has a nice smell." Only $15 for three bottles!

The funny thing is that the company selling these items is called "Church Goods Co." The sad thing is that there's probably some unsuspecting idiot out there who actually believes this stuff will work-- or worse, someone who actually sends money in and expects to ever receive their order.