I have extremely sensitive hearing, especially at night when it's quiet. I am notorious for sensing the presence of insects in my room-- last year I was awoken in the middle of the night by a cricket who was making no noise except the small sound of walking across my carpet. I couldn't go back to sleep until he was safely out of doors again with a stern warning that should he return, Sprocket may not be as gracious as I. I run a fan in my room at night now to drown out most of the nighttime noises, like the sound of my upstairs neighbors using the bathroom (without it I am awakened at 4 a.m. every morning to the wonderful sound of someone peeing).

Last night I was especially tired, so of course it would be one of those bug nights. Once I was nestled comfortably in my bed with the lights out, the sound started. Very subtle-- the sound of a beetle walking on tissue paper. I tried to ignore it, but to no avail. After about five minutes, I had to get up to investigate-- I can live with insects, but not insects who make noise. I switched on the light and saw a black beetle crawling across the carpet toward the door. Well, I made short work of him (actually the shoe wouldn't smash him so I was forced to flush him down the toilet), but still I knew that he could not be the culprit. A closer investigation revealed another beetle (a much stranger looking one with a long neck and red legs).

So I grabbed the shoe and started pounding on him. He attempted an escape but I continued to beat down on him until suddenly he disappeared. Into thin air. He had been there when the shoe made impact, but when the shoe was lifted there was no beetle. I examined the carpet all around me- no beetle. I closely examined the shoe to see if maybe he was hiding somewhere in it- no beetle. I checked my body to see if maybe he had somehow attached himself to me- still no beetle. Finally I was forced to give up and go to bed (I checked under the covers first to make sure he wasn't hiding there).

In my mind I was aware of the possibility that my beetle friend would crawl in bed with me, but I was so tired that I didn't care. So I drifted off, almost. Some 15 minutes later I felt something crawling on my face and I was brought to reality with a jolt. I turned on the light really quick and sure enough, there was a slightly beaten beetle standing on my pillow. This time instead of beating him with the shoe (who wants beetle guts on their pillow?) I coaxed him to climb onto the shoe. We made a short trip down the hall to the bedroom of my darling Sprocket, who I thought would appreciate having a live toy to play with. With that, I went back to bed and slept soundly.

This morning when I woke up and went to the bathroom to take my shower, there in the middle of the tile floor was a live beetle laying on his back with his legs flailing. You guessed it-- he had escaped from the torture chamber of Sprocket and made it as far as the bathroom.

The beetle is still there. I was in a hurry and didn't have time to kill him. Poor guy- in a way, I sort of admire him. He's a survivor.