There's a line in the song "She's on Fire" by Train that I really love: "It's not just a daydream if you decide to make it your life."

For a while now, I've imagined what it would be like to go back to grad school-- the intellectual stimulation, the thrill of learning new things, the crazy levels of stress, meeting new people and being in a new environment. I have to be honest. There's a part of me that never thought I'd actually do it.

It was almost a year ago that I went to Barnes & Noble at the Streets of Southpoint and bought a GRE study guide. Looking back on it now, I can't believe I actually convinced myself to go through all that was involved in getting me to this point-- studying for the GRE, signing up to take the GRE, navigating my way to the GRE testing center, passing the GRE, writing essays and soliciting letters of recommendation, filling out an online application, mailing official transcripts... well, you get the idea.

But here I am. I'm about to really do it. And every day, a million times in my mind, I think, "Are you crazy? You're moving to a big city where there are God only knows how many crimes committed daily, where the people are so not like they are here. You're going to get eaten alive!"

This may be true. But honestly, I hate it here. I hate the really heavy metal door in my apartment (it now takes both hands and all my strength to get it open). I hate the computer glitch that no one can fix, not even the people we have on staff whose job it is to fix. I hate going home to an empty apartment and knowing that this is my life for as long as I can see. Working all day in a secluded office, going home to a lonely and somewhat psychotic cat. And always wondering what it would have been like if I had gotten out.

And so, I'm going to make this daydream my life. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. So I'm going to go with the daring adventure option. I got an email yesterday from a colleague, and although she and I aren't very close, I was very touched by what she wrote me: "I know God has great things in store for you. He's led you this far, and he will lead you to the friends and support that will make your time at graduate school a time of exciting growth."

God bless her. I really needed to hear that.